So, like most of the time, I think Elisabeth Elliot says what I'm thinking a lot better than I can put it into words. Here it is:
"I was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, and if my wishes were not what God wished, I wished that I could wish that my wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there." Elisabeth Elliot, passion and purity
It's amazing to me that pursuing God's will can be peacful and quiet one day then loud and complicated the next. After hearing these words from Elisabeth Elliot I realized why in the last few days I have felt weak and distant from God. As soon as I say Yes to his calling I simultaneously receive wishes and desires in my heart that cause me to reconsider the direction I'm heading. That doesn't mean that I desire God's will any less, just that circumstance has allowed me to see it differently in my life. The problem? you may ask. The problem is that I begin to wonder how God can work his will in me if I am clogged by these wishes and desires of my own. Now as I write this, it is obvious that the conclusion is that I should rest in God's peace regardless of my circumstance. This is true, but the wishes ARE still there; day and night; hour by hour. I must take all of my wishes and desires captive to be hidden under the authority of Christ, and wait patiently for the Lord to lead me through life in his will. I must rest in a place where true joys are to be found.