Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Back to Reality

God's sovereign timing has once again drawn me to this computer screen only to help myself become aware of a lost sense of urgency in my heart. Oh the ups and downs of living in this world! For a straight month my eternal perspective has been immensely off balance, causing my heart to desire things of this world over what God knows is best for me. On spring break I went to Cleveland, Ohio where I was introduced to people whose perspective on life taught me a lot about my own desires. While there I found myself dying to be in their position--desiring to seek the Lord's direction and to pour the love of Christ onto those who are placed in my life. I developed a peace in my heart because I knew that God created me to live exactly how these church planters live in the context of the culture around me. I carried this home with me and began to see my life in Bowling Green in that very same context, but then life happened. When did my heart become hard? Why did it take me so long to fall on my knees before the Lord? A few words come to mind: Doubt, Stress, Fear(not of the Lord), selfish ambition, idolatry. Pick one and I can give you a story! This trial did not come about out of my unwillingness to give my time and life to God; it came with lack of purpose and communication with God. For some time my path seemed extremely dry and not glorifying to God, but out of revelation I see now that this is rooted in my lack of trust.

The Revelation: are you ready? PRAYER. enough said. Wherever God sends me, I must trust that he is using me to intercede on someones behalf. I am going to meet and build relationships with people who do not know what to pray or how to pray to him. I am even going to be in situations where the future is unknown, but the secret to my communication with him is knowing that he is not sending me there for my own satisfaction. And I must also be aware of Where I am right this minute, and I must be here! By this I mean that my job, schoolwork, money, time etc...must only be exercise of my discipline. I am only called to be a steward of what the Lord has given me, not to live for what I have on earth.

"I think I find most help in trying to look on all the interruptions and hindrances to work that one has planned out for oneself as discipline, trials sent by God to help one against getting selfish over one's work--one's work for God--consists in doing some trifling haphazard thing that has been thrown into one's day. It is not a waste of time, as one is tempted to think, it is the most important part of the work of the day--the part one can best offer to God. do not rush after the planned work; trust that the time to finish it will be given sometime, and keep a quiet heart about it."

--Annie Keary

" The end of the matter; all has been hear. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil."

--Ecclesiastes 12:13-14